From Orlando, this is Amanda

Posted by in Laughter

(*Amanda, I hope you don’t mind if I use your name.  I didn’t want to write about gas prices.  Thanks for the idea, too, even if you don’t think you came up with it.)

A:  “Welcome to 90.4, WSPF, Orlando, Florida!  I’m your host, Amanda.  This morning we will be talking about the benefits of skin cancer.”

A:  “Here’s our first caller, Gregory.  Greg–may I call you Greg?–how are you this morning?”

G:  “I’d rather you call me Gregory.  I’m doing rather well this morning.  I used plenty of sunscreen, so I’m feeling gross, but I’ll retain this pale skin even if it means never leaving the house!”

A:  “I take it you’re in the ‘no cancer zone’ party of believers, eh Greg?”

G:  “Gregory.  That’s absolutely right.  You know, I’ve never understood why people spend all that money just to get skin cancer.  Savin’ up all that money just to go to a beach where it’s considered okay to lie half-naked in the sun all day.”

A:  “Here in Florida it doesn’t cost that much to get to a beach, though, does it, Greg?”

G:  “That’s one argument they keep tryin’ to get me with.  And it’s Gregory.  It won’t work.  You still have to quit your job to have enough time to devote to skin leatherization.”

A:  “That’s a valid point.  I do have a friend who has it all figured out, though.  She works the night shift and simply finds a beach to sleep on all day.  Nobody ever bothers her because everybody else is doing it.”

G:  “Wow, I’ve never thought of that.  You may have just changed my mind.  You know, I think I’m gonna give that a try.”

A:  “You see, folks, skin cancer gives people the opportunity to do what they want in life.  Greg will now be able to live his dream of thick leather skin and hospital food.  Way to go, Greg!”

G:  “It’s Gre………!!!!”

A:  “Uh, oh, we seem to have lost Greg.  Well, here’s Rachael.  Can I call you Ray?”


I rarely get burned.  I can’t even tan.  I don’t understand why people do the leather-skin thing, nor why people would go the opposite route and rub SPF-50 all over themselves.  Ech.  Anyway, it’s late, and this post probably makes no sense to anybody.