Public restrooms: public enemy numbers 1 & 2

Posted by in Laughter, Life, Stories

When you need to go, the last thing you want to happen is to be assaulted by the very facilities you trust with your discreet business.  Unfortunately, with the state of today’s technology, assault has become a commonly employed method for moving people through quickly, allowing businesses to decrease the number of stalls necessary for a given number of patrons.  It makes business sense, but it doesn’t make business sense.  (Yes, Robby, that was “pun-gent”.  So was the title.  So is the subject of this post.  Punception!)

Automatic Flushing

Are you done?  Too bad!  The Flushinator 3000 will make sure that anything still inside the stall will be gone in five seconds, out one way or another.

Motion Sensing Faucets

They sense motion, but the sensors are always pointed at an awkward angle away from your hands.  You could try to use your knee to activate it by lifting it up to the sink, but then you risk getting a suspicious water trail down your leg.

Half-Ply Tissue

It conserves trees and money.  Except that everybody just uses five times as many sheets.


But nothing is as bad as…

Automatic Air Fresheners

I was standing at a urinal.  I was the only one in the restroom.  I was just about to…  AAAAAAAARGGGGHHH!!!!!  Who spat on my neck?!  Who just spat on my neck?!  I’ll tell you who spat on my neck.  It was that stupid thing on the wall that sprays a “mist” every so often to keep the stench manageable.  Or at least that’s what they want you to think.  It’s fairly obvious that public restrooms are simply there to toy with people.  It’s a social experiment run afoul.  We need to do something about it before the hand dryers learn how to spin their fans the other direction.