Try our new and improved Insta-Sick Ultra, a nearly invisible product you can find at your local college! With millions of carriers worldwide, Insta-Sick Ultra is one of the most talked-about products this year. You can sign up today for free by simply interacting with the people around you. Yes, it is that simple. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!! If you think that the highly communicable Insta-Sick Ultra is not ultra enough, we’ll throw in Uber-Insta-Behind-In-Homework 3.5 for free! That’s right, every product in the Insta-Sick line is guaranteed to make…read more
I said that I could take the metaphor of Comcast even farther. I shall. God doesn’t like automated systems. He wants to speak to a real human. He doesn’t like that we keep ignoring him. He’s tried every route except “discontinuing service”. He’s thought about it, but he can’t stand the thought of leaving us. We don’t even give God a way to bestow on us the simplest of blessings (not even an automated credit card phone payment system, in case I’m too vague). We advertise all over that we’re…read more
My fellow bloggers have taken a recent turn to posts of religious depth. People have been commenting, response-posting, and thinking a lot. This post is in response to solitarytellurium’s comments on a post by my good friend Robby. I want to be closer to God, but at the same time, sometimes I just feel like letting go of everything. I want to live, and I’m afraid living isn’t good enough. I want more. I feel incomplete – like there is a vital part of me that isn’t there anymore. I’d…read more
I now officially hate Comcast. Except that they do have really fast Internet. We got Comcast cable high-speed Internet at the beginning of the summer. John signed the contract, and Tim and I paid him. This was working out until our second month, when John mentioned that he still didn’t have the first bill. So, he called Comcast. They said he should get a new bill within the week. The next week, without the bill, John called them again. Turns out they had the wrong address (John may have said…read more
The Tales of GenericBoy Generic(Gender) It was hh:mm when the phone rang. Generic(Gender) answered it with his or her usual greeting: “Hello, this is Generic(Gender) speaking.” The voice on the other end seemed to have emotion. “Hello, Generic! I was meaning to speak with you. I have a question to ask.” “Go right ahead and ask,” said Generic(Gender). “Would you like to attend my gathering in the near future?” he or she asked. Without doubt or hesitation, Generic(Gender) stated, “Of course.” The time passed before the gathering was to take…read more
In the spirit of wonderfully bad poetry introduced in Robby’s blog, I shall now attempt to make all English majors’ eyes bleed with my horrid writing.
I sit in the computer lab
thinking that my life is fab.
All the while I hit “tab” on my keyboard.
My life is actually drab, and I’m bored.
The white cinder block walls stare at me.
(They must have eyes, but I can’t tell because they are completely white, as cinder blocks are supposed to be.)
The lights are too bright, but I can change that.
There’s this thingy on the desk that can change that.
My computer monitor on the right is the wrong resolution,
making my eyes wander in revolutions.
But my shift is almost over,
making me more lucky than if I had gone out into the field behind the gym and found myself a green four-leaf clover.
Robby has been looking at Adventist college campuses across the U.S.A. He noted that the church is located directly adjacent to the hospital at Loma Linda, and that if your loved one was dying, you could simply walk next door to pray in a sanctuary. I, on the other hand, thought of another reason it was a good idea. If you were at church and the sermon lasted too long, you could simply walk over to the hospital when you started dying. This is the epitomy of convenience. What will…read more