Today has been fun so far. By fun, I mean nauseating. By nauseating, I mean in the literal sense. I stayed home sick yesterday. I work for the Hamilton County Health Department and have been spending time in one of the clinics setting up computers, so my “should I stay home” threshold is lower than most jobs I’ve had. I didn’t feel well all day, but I figured if I didn’t get any worse, I’d power through today. I wanted to vote on my way to work (the…read more
I opened the door and saw a half-naked man in front of me. Well, at least the half I could see was naked, and I can’t really speak for the other half because I quickly averted my eyes. “Put some clothes on!” I yelled. My mind went back to the exciting first few days. I met my new cellmate. We had quite a bit in common, but nothing to talk about. He only lasted about four months. He was moved to a different cell block. I remember the first time…read more
When you need to go, the last thing you want to happen is to be assaulted by the very facilities you trust with your discreet business. Unfortunately, with the state of today’s technology, assault has become a commonly employed method for moving people through quickly, allowing businesses to decrease the number of stalls necessary for a given number of patrons. It makes business sense, but it doesn’t make business sense. (Yes, Robby, that was “pun-gent”. So was the title. So is the subject of this post. Punception!) Automatic Flushing Are…read more
I really should be saying goodbye to all my friends. This is my fourth year at Southern Adventist University. That wasn’t God’s plan, though. I arrived on campus with braces, short hair, and 17 short years of life experience. I was excited to be going to Southern. I had applied to Union, Andrews, and Southern. Andrews would have been the least expensive (not kidding, their merit-based scholarships rock), Union would have been the least helpful (they don’t have any programs I was interested in), but Southern seemed a perfect fit. …read more
Try our new and improved Insta-Sick Ultra, a nearly invisible product you can find at your local college! With millions of carriers worldwide, Insta-Sick Ultra is one of the most talked-about products this year. You can sign up today for free by simply interacting with the people around you. Yes, it is that simple. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!! If you think that the highly communicable Insta-Sick Ultra is not ultra enough, we’ll throw in Uber-Insta-Behind-In-Homework 3.5 for free! That’s right, every product in the Insta-Sick line is guaranteed to make…read more
I now officially hate Comcast. Except that they do have really fast Internet. We got Comcast cable high-speed Internet at the beginning of the summer. John signed the contract, and Tim and I paid him. This was working out until our second month, when John mentioned that he still didn’t have the first bill. So, he called Comcast. They said he should get a new bill within the week. The next week, without the bill, John called them again. Turns out they had the wrong address (John may have said…read more